Starzilla's Ridinghoods Anonymous
by Starzilla
Summary: Parody of an episode of Fractured Fairy Tales. Van Helsing claims that he has sworn off eating Ridinghoods, but Bubbles and Madame Foster have a trick or two up their sleeves...R&R!


**Starzilla's Riding Hoods Anonymous**

**AN: I was watching a really funny installment of Rocky and Bullwinkle's Fractured Fairy Tales, and right away, I thought of doing a parody of it. I own nothing but my OCs and enjoy!**

**Cast  
**

**Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing and Leopold**

**Tara Strong as Bubbles**

**Candi Milo as Madame Foster**

In the enchanted forest, we meet a man wearing a blue jacket with gold embroidery over a white shirt and white pants. His name was Leopold Alexis Elijah Walker Thomas Gareth Mountbatten, Duke of Albany and narrator of the story.

"Once upon a time, there was a girl named Bubbles," Leopold began to narrate just as a little girl with blonde pigtails, big blue eyes, and a red hood over a blue dress skipped down the forest as she carried a basket. "She was nicknamed Little Red Riding Hood because...just because she was, that's why. Anyway, she was going to her grandmother's house to sell PTA tickets. As she went, she sang a song."

Right on cue, Bubbles sang an off-key song as she skipped past Leopold, who commented, "That's not much of a song."

"Well, I'm not much of a singer," Bubbles responded with a shrug. With that, she continued to skip and sing.

Leopold continued, "What Bubbles didn't know was that close by, a wolf..." At that moment, a man with flowing brown hair, a black leather duster and a matching hat appeared from behind a tree. His name was Van Helsing. "...or should I say, a werewolf, since he's in human form, apparently. Anyway, he was waiting to, uh...to, uh..."

Van Helsing took out a book and flipped through the pages. He found the page he was looking for and read aloud, "I hereby swear that I'll be good, I will not eat a Ridinghood!"

"What's all this?" Leopold questioned as he went up to Van Helsing.

"Well, I recently joined Ridinghoods Anonymous," Van Helsing answered.

"What?"

"I'm trying to kick the Ridinghood habit." At that moment, Van Helsing saw Bubbles heading towards him. He looked back at the book and read, "When you see a Ridinghood, greet her as a friend, you should." When Bubbles came up to him, he grabbed her by the neck and greeted, "Hello, Red Riding Bubbles!"

Bubbles screamed, "Werewolf! Werewolf!" She bit Van Helsing's hand and ran off, screaming.

Shaking his sore hand, Van Helsing looked at his book. "When you are misunderstood, extend your hand to Ridinghood." He held out his hand for Bubbles to shake. "Put 'er there, pal!" Bubbles started to whack Van Helsing's hand, but he stopped her. "Wait, Bubbles! I'm a new man! I've sworn off Ridinghoods! See?" He held the book for Bubbles to read the title, which was, "Words of Courage and Hope to Ridinghood Eaters."

Suspicious, Bubbles asked, "Is this on the level, mister?"

"Sure!" Van Helsing assured her as he opened to a page. "Listen. 'Stick with your promise not to eat, fight the urge for a Ridinghood treat.'"

Bubbles still wasn't convinced. "If you really are my friend, would you buy some PTA tickets?" She revealed some paper tickets in her basket.

"I'll take a dozen," Van Helsing offered, taking a dozen tickets only to throw them aside. He took Bubbles' basket. "I'll even deliver your basket for you." He was just about to leave when he asked, "Where does it go?"

"To my granny, Madame Foster," Bubbles answered. "It's a basket full of-"

**BOOM!**

Her basket had exploded, leaving Van Helsing burnt. "...goodies," Bubbles finished. "Sorry bout that. That was my special werewolf basket." She handed him another basket. "Here's another basket."

"Thanks," Van Helsing said, taking the basket as he left.

Leopold reappeared behind some bushes and narrated, "And with that, the werewolf went off to Madame Foster's house."

As Van Helsing was on his way, he sang a silly song to himself.

Van Helsing: **I'm going to eat the grandma**

**I'm going to eat-**

Suddenly, Van Helsing stopped. "Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind," Leopold narrated.

"Let me see..." Van Helsing said as he pulled out his book. "Just as I thought. 'Though Ridinghoods you cannot munch, there's nothing wrong with a Grandma lunch!'" He smirked hungrily with the idea. He continued to skip and sing towards Madame Foster's house.

Van Helsing: **I'm going to eat the grandma**

**I'm going to eat the grandma**

Finally, Van Helsing reached Madame Foster's house, where a little old lady wearing a green sweater and big glasses was sweeping.

Leopold stood next to the house as he narrated, "But when Madame Foster heard the werewolf coming..."

Van Helsing burst into the house and ran up to Madame Foster. He shouted, "You know what, Grandma? I'm gonna eat you! Right after I give you this basket of-"

**BOOM!**

The basket in Van Helsing's hand exploded again, leaving him burnt once more. "...goodies."

"Young man, you dropped your basket," Madame Foster said to him. Picking up a piece of the basket, she added, "Well, isn't this interesting..."

Suddenly, Van Helsing turned into a black, muscular werewolf and picked Madame Foster by the sweater. "You ready for lunch now, Grandma?" he demanded.

"Now, sir, you've made a mistake," Madame Foster said just as Van Helsing was about to shove her into his mouth. "I'm not a Grandma, but a Ridinghood!" She pointed to a picture of Bubbles. "That's a Grandma!"

Van Helsing frowned. "Well, if you're a Ridinghood, then where are your PTA tickets?"

"Oh, but Ridinghoods don't sell PTA tickets," Madame Foster continued. "They sell DAR tickets!"

"DAR?" Van Helsing repeated, turning back into a human.

Madame Foster got back on her feet. "Yes! Doctors of American Ridinghoods!"

"They do?"

"How many?" Madame Foster held out a bunch of paper tickets.

"I'll take a dozen," Van Helsing answered, taking a dozen tickets and tossing them aside. "Now I gotta get that Grandma in the woods!"

"And while you're at it," Madame Foster said, "here's a basket of goodies." She handed Van Helsing another basket.

Van Helsing ran out of the house, singing that silly song from before.

Van Helsing: **I'm going to eat the grandma**

**I'm going to eat the grandma**

Van Helsing saw Bubbles at a tree nearby, and he ran up to her. "Hey, Grandma, you told me a fib!" he snapped.

"I did?" Bubbles asked, feigning shock.

"Yeah, you're not a Ridinghood! I saw one back at the house..." Bubbles ran for cover as Van Helsing continued, "and she gave me this basket of-"

**BOOM****!**

"...goodies," a burnt Van Helsing finished.

"Look, mister," Bubble began, taking Van Helsing's book, "right here in your own book!" She pointed to a picture of a grandma similar to Madame Foster. "That's a Grandma!"

"'Grandmas you can tell afar,'" Van Helsing read, "'they belong to DAR.'" He snapped his fingers. "Man!" He ran back to Madame Foster's house.

"And the werewolf sped back to Grandma's house," Leopold narrated, still next to Madame Foster's house.

At the door, Van Helsing pulled out his book again. "'When a Grandma claims they're Ridinghoods, be a photographer in the woods!'" He knocked on Madame Foster's door.

Madame Foster opened up. "Yes?" She found Van Helsing with a camera and a pegasus named Derpy Hooves.

"Good morning, madame!" Van Helsing greeted. "If you're a Ridinghood, I will take a picture of you with a real pegasus! And it's free!"

But Madame Foster shook her head. "Sorry, but I'm a Grandma."

"I knew it!" Van Helsing shouted, turning back into a werewolf and snatching Madame Foster off her feet. "You're time is up, lunch!"

"You're right!" Madame Foster shouted. "Every second counts!"

"It does?" Van Helsing asked, confused.

"Take this to the troops quickly!" Madame Foster gave Van Helsing another basket. "You're the only one with a horse! Scurry!"

Turning back into a human, Van Helsing jumped onto Derpy's back. "Yes sir!" Madame Foster slapped Derpy's rear, and the pegasus flew off, backwards, of course.

With Van Helsing gone, Bubbles ran up to her granny. "Did the werewolf come?"

"Yes, dearie," Madame Foster answered with a laugh. "That ol' furball has just gone off with a basket of-"

**BOOM!**

"...goodies," Madame Foster finished.

"I guess he won't bother us anymore," Bubbles said as she and Madame Foster went back into the house, only to find Van Helsing in the living room!

"Guess what? I've decided to quit Ridinghoods Anonymous!" Van Helsing announced. "Now I'm going to eat BOTH of you!" He turned into a werewolf, ready to eat.

"Now, now, remember," Bubbles began as she was getting cornered by a drooling Van Helsing, "I pledge, I pledge, I will not eat, a Ridinghood can still be beat!" Van Helsing grabbed her.

"Run!" Madame Foster shouted.

Prying Van Helsing's jaws open to avoid getting swallowed, Bubbles continued, "Every day and every way, I am not eating Ridinghoods!"

**"RUN!"** Madame Foster shouted again.

Bubbles jumped out of Van Helsing's jaws, and both she and Madame Foster ran out of the house with Van Helsing in hot pursuit.

Leopold ran after them as he narrated, "So Bubbles and her grandmother ran out of the house, just one jump ahead of the werewolf."

After a quick chase, Leopold lost track of what was going on, so he added, "Well, I suppose nobody lived happily ever after." He found Van Helsing leaning next to a tree, back in his human form. He was also patting his tummy a bit.

**AN: Sorry, Bubbles and Madame Foster!**

"I did," Van Helsing said with a laugh.

"You did?" Leopold asked.

"Sure! Not only did I get to have my lunch, I also got to be a member of the PTA and a member of the DAR..." He held up two badges to said organizations. He revealed mounds of baskets behind him, and Leopold ran for cover. "...and I also got to have 200 baskets of-"

**BOOM!**

"Yes, goodies," Leopold finished from his hiding place. He looked up to find Van Helsing floating up to heaven with angel wings. "I guess I was right. Nobody lived happily ever after."

"Shut up, you!" Van Helsing snapped, shaking his fist at our narrator.

**THE END!**


End file.
